i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
