I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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