why didn't you poke me back
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
