Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
