Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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