I just saw a hot homeless man
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
