Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
