He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
