i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
