I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
