I look better un-naked...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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