I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
