i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
