Kiss
Puke
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I AM VODKA MAN
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
