Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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