Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he thought i was a dude.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
