you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
