I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
