She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I would ride that face into the sunset
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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