am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
