I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
