I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
