toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
