I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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