Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
