So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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