my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
