Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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