I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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