My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
