That's when you crack a 10am beer
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
