her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
