PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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