i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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