I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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