just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
