i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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