yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she told me i tasted like america
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
