**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
