Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
