I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
