your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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