I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
