you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
