"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
