You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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