So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
