I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
