Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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