Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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