But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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