There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
