I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
