Your dad touched me again.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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