and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
