He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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